…and try to refrain from the happiness answer. I’m struggling trying to add meaning to my life…and I need something more substantial than “to be happy.”
Where do I go? What should I do? What am I doing wrong? How can I find my purpose and what exactly is the point of being on this earth?
I certainly know hardly anyone can answer this with certainty. Just…someone give me something to think about or do…
So…listen to this song by St. Vincent:
This song makes a VERY strong point about today’s society. “Digital witnesses. What’s the point of even sleeping if I can’t show it, if you can’t see me? Watch me jump right off the London Bridge.” Well…doesn’t that say something about our social media use?
I think it hits something spot on. Social media makes life almost pointless. We spend hours scrolling through pictures of “happy people” who, in reality, spent more time trying to get that picture than actually doing what they claim to be doing.
It creates a monster in us that whispers, “Why do it if no one can see you?”
Why go to the Grand Canyon if I can’t show the world I did? Why go to that dance? Why bother sleeping without that last good night snap so they can see how cute my pajamas are?
See what she is saying? Or at least…what I took from it. Wow.
What are all your thoughts?
Certain things make me nostalgic without ever having known me before.
I know I’ve written about how nostalgia affects me already, but this new-ish experience kinda freaks me out.
In a summation, I’ve had “nostalgia attacks” where I am thrown into my past moments by a familiar scent, sight, or thought. These have started to make sense to me. I feel things very heavily and I yearn for the past. So naturally, when something reminds me of another moment I’ve already experienced and that I miss, my mind is violently transported from the present moment to one of my past. Almost to the point that I lose touch with where I currently am…my thoughts become a physical presence.
However, now I struggle with these “nostalgia attacks” that seemingly sprout from no where. I am drawn to another thought of another time or moment that I haven’t actually had.
For example, the other day I was on the Metro and I caught a whiff of some guy who walked by. My mind did its strange little thing…and my thoughts ran wild…but not in some expectant way. It was more like…I had an intimate remembrance of the scent. I remembered it from somewhere…but I am almost certain I’ve never smelled it before in my life.
Now…this could be labeled as deja vu, but it was more personal than that, I think. It was activating an actual memory that my brain thought I had, but there was no actual memory there.
Has anyone else experienced this? What do you think it means? Does it reflect some idea that we are connected with other’s in their memories? Could it be evidence of our “other life”? I’ve never really believed in those things…but what else could this mean? Any thoughts?
So…I was intrigued the other day by another writer’s blog post compiled only of one sentence that turned the writing table on me. I’m interested in doing the same. I want to hear about you guys! Tell me something random about you…or answer this: What is the driving force in your life and why?
Love you guys! I’m really interested in reading what you have to say!
“At this moment it becomes clear to me that from now on all my journeys will be shadowed by memories. Inevitably, I will transfigure my childhood- perhaps the only productive obsession of our time. Recently I read a book about James Joyce that writing was today “not an act of creation, but of evocation, saturated with reminiscences.” But I have not come in order to grieve for my early life. I am returning to my origin, alienated by long absence, steeled by many a loss and ready for a hard, presumably painful experience. Sometimes in dreams we unexpectedly stand face to face with ourselves. Something of the shock of such confrontations lies in the encounter with our past.” (Spiel, Return to Vienna 10).
This passage almost exactly explains what I feel every time I visit the Chestnut Hill Park back home. This park has basically watched me grow, as much as a habitat can. It became more than a place to me, though; it became an actual representation of my rights of passage.
Last I went to the park, spring break to be exact, I had an over-sweeping sense of nostalgia hit me. Spiel nails this feeling with her quote, “all my journeys will be shadowed by memories.” As we began to walk, I could not help but become almost inebriated by my own thoughtful images of the past.
The empty volleyball court became a stage; my mind’s thespians acted only for me, putting on the play called, “Dad and Steph’s First Volleyball Practice.” We then walked by a swing set inhabited by a mother pushing her child. However, my mind could only envision Matthew, age 3, with me behind him teaching him to pump his legs to make the swing fly. I saw my best friend’s pavilion graduation party in place of the empty picnic tables. I saw the wooded area my friends and I once suffered poison ivy from, I recognized the cobblestone path that lead me to my first kiss, and it was all the same. Not a thing had changed in physicality, but time had made every moment into a memory. I can’t help but become bombarded by those memories when I go back to this place where nearly everything happened. Enjoying the park for itself is no longer an option because I get lost in my own reminiscent thought.
This quote sung by Twenty-One Pilots has been on my mind a lot recently. I want to know exactly what they mean by it.
First, I must request you listen to the song:
After you do that, please tell me what is meant by the quote!
I was thinking that it might refer to the idea that thoughts are dangerous. Sometimes, when thoughts get to a certain scary point, maybe the best way to deal with them is to completely reject their existence. Is this really a healthy way for people to deal with a negative mindset?
I suppose it is better to survive than to let your thoughts take you over to a place of desiring death….but is that really okay? To ignore what your mind is bringing to you? What do you all think?
like to wonder
about the things
that fly around
They exist to flitter
and to float around our
we have the gumption,
to capture them in thought.