I learned something beautiful last night…and I thought I might share it with you all.
To give some background…I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of 4 years at the beginning of the Fall 2015 semester. This is the second time I have broken his heart (not saying that in a totally guilt-ridden way…but with a matter-of-fact sort of tone).
I have felt happy and free for the past 5 months…and that is exactly what I needed to feel. I began a new job (one which I loved and wanted to pour every moment into)…to go along with a full course load and another job. There was no time for me to give to myself…let alone to another person…so I did what I had to do…and ‘spread my wings’ for a time. The people around me were more than supportive of my decisions…some maybe even TOO supportive.
I began to see what I had originally seen as a break…as a break-UP…and I began to blur the memories that we shared into ones that legitimized my dislike toward this boy. These feelings were encouraged by my very empowered, very independence-pushing friends. I was easily manipulated…as per usual.
Long story short…I did not say a word to the kid for 5 months. I did my work…and I grew into my lady self…but something was missing. My heart was hardly in the moments I was supposed to be living. I wasn’t actually living…but simply moving without a thought.
My friends noticed…and were not happy with the change. I frequently got the question, “is anyone even in there?” along with a firm wave-of-hand or snap-of-finger. But…I had no idea where my lack of emotion was coming from.
Last month, I decided to visit my ex-boyfriend. ANYONE in their right mind would tell you this is a bad idea…but I’d just like to say…when it comes to love…it’s not about bad ideas or being in the right mind. It’s about following what your heart tells you…even when all of the logical minds around you can’t fathom your reasoning. FORGET THE REASONING. It doesn’t belong in love. But…I digress…
He and I had an amazing time dancing, laughing, cooking, and crying together. I have never been more happy about making a ‘poor’ decision in my life. I felt reassured of my love for this boy I had watched grow into a man. Evening came and morning followed…and I was back at school.
Now…here’s where last night comes in:
In the midst of our conversation about my weekend trip to see my ex, one of my close friends professed to me that he had an attraction for me. The dialogue went a little something like this:
Me: “There’s something about —. He would do anything for me. Our love is literally a sigh of relief to me. I feel sort of like I’m floating around in a bubble of stress and nothingness…until I’m in his arms…and then suddenly…it’s like I can breathe again.”
Friend: “If you hadn’t said the second part…I would have questioned your feelings for him. You know…he’s not the only one who would do anything for a chance with you. A few months ago, I would have done just about anything to date you or kiss you.”
Friend: “Don’t worry about it! I’m only telling you because the phase is over! I met a new girl.”
My utter shock and obliviousness usually would have bothered me to no end…hating the fact that I lead this guy (who is more than very close to me) on…and didn’t even know it.
But after the shock…this moment made me realize something. Many guys may come and go from a woman’s life. They all may make claims to want her endlessly…and do anything in their power for her. But…the reality is that these passionate and possessive feelings are usually very sporadic…and they are gone with the honeymoon phase’s last breath.
The million dollar question: How do you know who your real man is? How do you know when to stop looking?
Answer: When you find the one who would do anything for you at any given moment. One who can show you in his own particular way how much he adores you…as ardently in year 30 of your relationship as it was during year 1. Find someone who holds you tight…just in the way you like…and that never lets go…for the rest of your days.